Post Taxmas

'Twas the day after Taxmas, and all through the office
No phones were ringing, no accountants in sight...

Mmmk...so it doesn't exactly rhyme, (you try to think of a word that rhymes with office!) but the phrase "no creature was stirring, not even a mouse" is on repeat in my head as I sit at the front desk of my office the day after April 15th. For the CPA's this is the start of their eight month vacation (well deserved), but as they enjoy the 80 degree weather, attend doctors appointments that they've put off for months, and travel to the beach, I sit at the front desk staring blankly at my computer monitors and listening to the sounds of the office. It is not even 10 o'clock in the morning yet, and there is no way that I am going to make it until 5 o'clock. I am going to chew my hand off before then. Definitely. That, or die of a candy induced sugar overdose.

I could write one of the two papers that are due this weekend, or I could straighten up the office, or I could fold some of the 300 pay stubs that I have to mail out today. But I don't wanna. Last year I watched TV on my computer--6 or 7 episodes of LOST, I believe. This year I have no speakers on my computer. Coincidence? I think not.

I'd have brought my book but I definitely would have nodded off. So, I choose to nod off to various office sounds... the man in the lobby on his cell phone talking much too loudly, the painful squeal of the elevators as they strain to go up and down, the ringing of the phone (oops, better stop tuning that out), the sound of thighs rubbing together in too-tight capri pants as people walk by...

Speaking of too tight pants, after working my third tax season, I am convinced that there is a "tax season 5." Yes, I am referring to the five pounds that I have gained every tax season. Although, I believe that the majority of weight gain occurs during March and the first two weeks of April. Luckily I have managed to lose "the 5" pretty quickly each year (hopefully this year will not be any different!). Gaining five pounds is just enough to make my clothes feel uncomfortably tighter and to make me hate the scale. Haaate it. Once the numbers start going down the scale can be my friend again, but until then I loathe it.



The weight gain surprises me every year. But why should it? I spend the majority of my time at work consuming biscuits or doughnuts for breakfast, pizza or some other horribly unhealthy and ridiculously portion sized junk food for lunch, cakes, and candy. I am also much more sedentary than I am the rest of the year. But what horrible timing--just as tax season is finishing up it is time to break out the bathing suits. Ok, well I guess I will go do some squats now and take a few laps around the office because I am depressing myself. (And the candy is staring at me and calling my name.)

Dear Office Mates...

Dear Office Mates,

While I am well aware that many of you are stressed and have no time to get lunch (let alone eat it), please respect the fact that some of us have little (strike that, no, none, zip, zero) self control and would like to fit in to their bathing suits this summer. That is, without any excess flub hanging out or over. Just this week you all have forced me to consume Reeses, chocolate easter eggs, pizza, strawberry cheesecake, birthday cake, ice cream, and key lime pie. I can only imagine what you will torture me with during the next week and a half. (Oh and not to mention the gigantic Goodberry's concrete with chocolate ice cream, marshmallow, and oreos that Adam maaaade me eat last night, sheesh.)

I do not have the time, nor do I have the desire to work out for three hours every single day. So, unless you plan to provide me with liposuction and a personal trainer/chef beginning April 16th, I suggest that you rid the office of these temptations. PLEASE. For the sake of the children (at the pool and on the beach).

Oh, and co-workers, while you are at it, could you please remind yourselves to "choose your attitude." And to stop complaining about my bare feet. And to stop giving me "rushes" and to stop throwing packages to fed-ex at me. It would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

No-Will-Power-What-So-Ever

BEACH FEVER!!!!

I have BEACH FEVER! And the only cure is salty air, water, sand, docks, boats, bathing suits (even if I don't have my bikini bod yet!), and flip-flops.

Pushing and pilling...?!

Help! I've discovered that a new shirt from one of my new favorite clothing brands, Alternative, is "pilling" after one wash. (I believe this is the correct term for the little tiny balls on my shirt that make it look old and worn.)

Obviously my first instinct was to blame my boyfriend for putting too many clothes in the washer or dryer (sorry, Adam), but I have started doing most of the laundry so such a thing WON'T happen! It is possible, ahem, that I might have put a few too many things in the washer (after all, I am trying to be "greener"). But, stuffing washing machines aside, I made sure to turn the shirt inside out and to read the directions on the tag. They were simple: Wash in cold water with like colors, and dry on low. DONE. So why does the shirt look like I've worn it 50 times?!

I know what you are thinking...just buy another brand. But I don't wannnnaaaa (whiney voice). I really really like their t-shirts and dresses and all the pretty colors! (I am stomping around my kitchen right now, hmph.)



See how perrrrtty. So what do I do?! I do not want all my Alternative clothes to look like that!! I've read that you should put less things in the washer and dryer and remove the clothes right away after drying. I am going to continue my research before I do anymore laundry (excuses, excuses!), but please let me know if you have any tips!